The Race

Growing up in Indianapolis, I always had drivers that I liked to follow at the Indy 500. For a while it was Rick Mears and then Arie Luyendyk. But my interest certainly waned as I left Indiana and as the drivers were not as recognizable to me. From the looks of things, I think the Indy 500 comes has come up with a surefire way to bring back the fans like me.

Surefire way 1: Danica Patrick












Surefire way 2: Milka Duno












My apologies to Sarah Fisher, but well...you know.

What proof?

Have you ever wondered why your 85 year old grandpa who religiously drinks a scotch on the rocks every day has a mind as sharp as a tack, while your 75 year old next door neighbor who never touches a drop of booze unless it's a very special occasion is crazy as a loon?

A new study shows that ol' gramps may have been on to something...having a drink a day helps protect you against dementia.

Unfortunately for me, the study also concludes that having more that one drink "offered no protection against dementia compared with abstaining"...being a loon isn't so bad, right?

Coffee Addict?

I am 88% Addicted to Coffee

Shocking, I know. I think I would only score higher if I drank more espresso than regular coffee, roasted my own beans, or snorted the coffee grounds.

What grade should you be in?

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Eddy what is your problem?"

Eddy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The teacher had had enough.

She took Eddy to the principal's office.

While Eddy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

The teacher agreed.

Eddy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Eddy: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Eddy: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.

The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Eddy can go to the third-grade."

The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Eddy both agree.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Eddy, after a moment, "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why she asks such a question!

Eddy replied, "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Eddy: "Pants"

Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Eddy: Coconut

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Eddy was taking charge.

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

Eddy: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Eddy: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Eddy: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Eddy: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

Eddy: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Eddy: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Eddy: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?

Eddy: Firetruck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Eddy in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself."

New technologies

After the iMac, iPod, iBook…what’s next? New “i” products currently being considered...

iMate - Comes in both genders and is perfectly compatible with you, to pay attention to your needs, care about you and love you when you feel no one else does.

iSmack - so you can send people virtual smacks when they really tick you off or a virtual kiss (aka smacker) if you really like them.

iAye - digitally programmed parrot for pirates.

iGasm or iCome - digital sex toys

iCando - for the optimist in us all

Got any other ideas???

History Lesson in 22 parts

A brief history of mankind's time on Earth in 22 parts. When I first came across this, I thought it was going to be a humor piece. But very quickly it is apparent it is not. The further along you get, the more angry and disturbing it becomes and you start to understand the illustrator's point of view. It is a story of man's insatiable struggle for power through the ages.

Update: The artist has been identified as Milo Manara.

Viva la difference

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple.
Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story.
You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.
The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me."

"The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students, Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(First paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(Second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F_KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)
Asshole.

(Gary)
Bitch

(Rebecca)
F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.

Quotes of the Day

Today's segment is brought to you by the good people over at Double Viking who proudly and openly share their geekiness by posting "the Top 15 Han Solo Quotes You Need to Use in Regular Conversation." Being a fellow geek (particularly of the original Star Wars era) I felt compelled to post the quotes and everyday usages here.

15. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

When to say it: When you get a bad feeling, obviously

14. “Had a slight weapons malfunction, but everything's perfectly alright now. We're fine, we're all fine, here, now, thank you. How are you?”

When to say it: When your cell phone signal begins to break up

13. “No, no, NO. THIS one goes THERE, THAT one goes THERE.”

When to say it: When working on a project with a partner

12. “Great, kid. Don’t get cocky.”

When to say it: When a friend accomplishes something

11. “Never tell me the odds!”

When to say it: When gambling

10. “Yeah, I’ll bet you have.”

When to say it: When an intergalactic bounty hunter tells you he’s been waiting a long time to bring you in

9. “Here’s where the fun begins.”

When to say it: When you’re about to enter a dangerous situation

8. “You know, sometimes I amaze even myself.”

When to say it: Anytime

7. “What an incredible smell you’ve discovered!”

When to say it: Anytime you smell something awful

6. “Laugh it up, fuzzball.”

When to say it: When a fat/hairy person laughs at you

5. “Wonderful girl. Either I’m going to kill her, or I’m beginning to like her.”

When to say it: When talking about a woman you’re attracted to

4. “How we doin’?”

“Same as always.”

“That bad, huh?”

When to say it: When asking someone about their day

3. “I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen anything to make me believe there's one all-powerful force controlling everything. There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny.”

When to say it: During a debate on religion

2. “Hey…it’s me!”

When to say it: When someone tells you to “be careful”

1. “I love you.”

“I know.”

When to say it: Duh

Blue Canyon - food and wine tasting

S. and I joined some of our new foodie friends at Blue Canyon restaurant for a wine dinner featuring the house wines. I have to say, having a pregnant wife makes going to these dinners really great...she takes a sip of each wine to simply taste them, then I get the rest of her glass. And she becomes the defacto designated driver. I had better not get too used to this. It will only last until August.

Anywho...on to the meal.

We started with the Morgan sparkling riesling, which was very refreshing after a long day at work. I wish we had gotten there a little earlier so that I could have enjoyed it a little more. I essentially emptied it down in two gulps...so I was thirsty.

The first course, Seared Halibut with Myer Lemon and Ramp Butter, and topped with tasty chives, was wonderful, and paired with the Chardonnay, Limoux FR 2005, which is a blended Chardonnay - I liked it because it was not at all oaky. It cut the buttery sauce nicely. The fish itself was very fresh, and perfectly cooked.

Slices of lightly seared Tuna were next, plated with a tower cucumber stuffed with Jalepeno Jicama Slaw that was topped withof a strip of crispy Plantain, that was dusted in Blue Canyon spice. The Riesling, Mosel GR 2006 complimented and cooled off the spice of the slaw perfectly, and also paired well with the tuna, which was fabulously marbeled and tasty.

This was followed by a Pork Roulade stuffed wtih Arugala and Goat Cheese and plated over an Apple BBQ Glaze that was thick and offered a lot of mouthfeel. Again, the flavors and textures complimented one another, and paired well with the Barbera, Lodi CA 2005. This was my favorite course of the evening.

The next course featured a massive serving of Crispy Veal Sweetbread with Huckleberry Marmalade and topped with onion straws. You have to be a little brave to try sweetbreads, as it comes from a section that is not normally served at run of the mill dinners or restaurants. Many at the dinner decided not to taste this course and though everyone at my table tried it, we all agreed that it was just too rich - and it was the only course that saw any leftovers. It did have a delicious Huckleberry Marmalade as the sauce which made the...uh...strong and distinct flavour of the the sweatbread more enjoyable and for some tolerable. The Syrah, St. Helens, CA 2004 complimented it well.

The last meat course - Truffled Prime Beef Cowboy Roll - had many excellent elements such as mushrooms, a bit of truffle oil and a slight flavor of rosemary. I think most agreed that it would have been tastier if the beef wasn't as finely ground before rolled back up. The wine for this course was the most outstanding of the evening - Cabernet, Diamond Mt., Napa CA 2004 - of the Andrew Geoffrey vineyard.

Susan Guel's dessert looked like a tower of goodness! The bottom floor was a blueberry crumble, drizzled with a blueberry/strawberry/raspberry sauce, which was topped with lemon mousse. A phyllo cup sat atop the mousse, cuddling one scoop each of vanilla bean ice cream and blueberry sorbet, together with some fresh blueberries. The antenna was a polka dotted cookie, and stripes of chocolate finished off the plate. I loved every bit of this dessert. The fresh blueberries enhanced the other flavors in the phyllo cup, and the lemon mousse was sensational.

Unnecessary Censorship